Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Just Friends

This is my personal life experience. Not everyone's story is going to the same and I do not claim to speak for all or anyone but myself.

Boys and girls can't be "just friends" is an ideal I stood by for a long time. In my experience this was always true. I never had a guy friend that was into girls that solely wanted to be my friend. It always seemed like they wanted something more from me. I couldn't figure out girls who stood by their guys friends and swore up and down it was just that. I think, I've finally figured it out.

I was being prejudice to men. I thought they could only see me as a sexual being, someone to be valued for their body alone. I put this on them when it was really me. I was the one who thought I wasn't worth more. I was the one who thought I didn't deserve love.

I was attracting the type of energy I was putting out into the world. I got exactly what I thought I deserved - men, let's be honest - boys who didn't care about me. This is not to say that I was pressured into anything or hung out with anyone against my will. I totally did what I wanted. I had a great time hanging out with these guys. That's all we did though - hang out. I didn't go on dates, I didn't have boyfriends, and then I wondered why not.

This carried over into other relationships as well. I had friends who were inconsistent. There were people in my life that I thought didn't value me or my time. I would sit at home after being cancelled on or just stood up and wonder what *I* could have done differently. Should I have lied and told them to get there an hour earlier, knowing they would be an hour late? Should I have not asked them to hang out while they had so much other stuff going on? Then I realized that maybe I was part of the problem, but not in the way I was thinking. I was letting this happen to me. I was putting up with this time and time again.

Once I started putting myself first, taking care of me, I found what I needed. I started asking more from people. When I acknowledged what it was that I needed, the good people in my life obliged and responded with their needs. Once I made this change in my self respect, my relationships grew stronger. Putting myself first became my way of life because everyone I'm surrounded with just wants the best for each other. My family and I became closer. My friendships became family status. Men became dates instead of hook ups. I found my partner in life.

I have been lonely. I still feel lonely sometimes. I feel lonely some days in a crowd of people that love me. It's not a thing that anyone stops feeling. I also know that being alone, even if that means single but with lots of friends, is not easy for some people. (Tangent - I've always liked being alone for the most part. I like quiet. I like thinking. I like thinking even when it makes me sad. When I process things, it helps me move forward. End Tangent.)

My mom taught me something that's always really stuck with me - You have to be your own number one. I love deeply and widely, but all of that is possible because I start with myself. You cannot take care of others properly if you're not taking care of yourself. You will never be enough for someone else before you are enough for yourself. These are my truths.

Until Next Time,
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