Sunday, June 21, 2015

Jurassic World

****Spoiler Alert****Spoiler Alert****Spoiler Alert****Spoiler Alert****

Last Saturday I saw Jurassic World in Imax 3D. I squealed, I laughed, I jumped, I was stressed. I left the theatre feeling invigorated and very very perplexed. I have so many questions!

So this Indominus Rex doesn't seem like a good theme park attraction to me. How are you going to have an exhibit where you can't see even see the dinosaur because there's thick foliage and it can CAMOUFLAGE? Also, why would you create a a dinosaur that can change it's body temperature and camouflage? The camouflage thing I can forgive I guess because people can see (or not see), but no one's going to be impressed that it can lower it's core temperature; but they're also not going to be impressed if they can't see it I suppose. Might as well have an empty cage! Speaking of it's cage, she was like two years old right? And they had to build the walls to 40 feet high? So what did they plan to do as she aged? There was no guarantee she was at her peak because there was no data to go off of - she's the first of her kind.

What was that guard doing? Like, ever the whole time. He was sitting there for how long and didn't see the dinosaur that's bigger than a T-Rex scaling up the wall for 10 minutes? Then lost her on the monitors somehow after doing one heat scan? Then, Claire, who has had perfect cell service up until this moment, decides to drive halfway across the park to the command center or whatever to find out where Indominus is? Doesn't the guard have a radio or a walkie talkie on him? The college kid who was just doing his job at the Gyrospheres had a dope ass walkie talkie or something that totally told him to shut that shit down. She manages to get so far that Owen and two other people walk right into the cage, presumably past this dinosaur and don't even notice.

Why do the doors close so slow in these exhibits?
Why are there hand print keypads on the inside of cages?

We're told that Indominus has a super sense of smell and can detect thermal heat. This is shown to us by the fact that Owen douses himself in gasoline when the beast first gets loose. (Tangent - Don't get me started on that shitty workmanship of her inclosure. Not only did the door bust, but so did the wall!) However, when Owen and Claire are hiding out behind a jeep, Indominus gets so close her nose is right next to them and then... moves on?

Why do the Gyrospheres go off road? Shouldn't there be a hook in the system so they hit like an invisible fence and can't go farther? Also, if they get called back couldn't there be a recall button to just put them on auto pilot back to the corral?

Why didn't they clean out/demolish the original Jurassic Park?

They had no contingency plan for if the dinosaurs escaped? There was a huge ass storm in Jurassic Park. They should've made some sort of underground container for people in case of hurricanes or Din-adoes.

Speaking of Jurassic Park, if that movie taught us anything it is that the T-Rex can sense movement. If you stay real still, it won't see you. So if you're going to throw a flare - you have to stop running even if you're throwing that flare at an Indominus Rex.

We've seen T-Rex catch up to a jeep, how did she out run him in heels? Hammond told us they can run up to 32 mph. Jurassic Park plot hole, couldn't the jeep have outrun that sucker? Also, how is Clair getting around in those heels the whole time? Everyone's talking about it, it's not logical.

ALSO, the layout of this park makes abso-fucking-lutely no sense to me. How far did she have to run to get from the T-Rex to the main center? How are they saying earlier that Indominus is heading for the visitor center but at the same time in the Restricted area with those kids which, according to the map, is on the other side of the island? 

Why did the Mosasaurus jump out of the water to get Indominus Rex, but was never a threat to people? How did they even contain that thing? You don't see aquariums with blue whales and this thing is like what - 6 of those?! We're lead to believe it was on the edge of the island on the coast line, but what kept it from just swimming deeper into the ocean and peacing out?

Then, there's the fact that once Indominus is disposed of (eaten) by our Mosasurus friend, everyone seems completely relieved. Like there's not a freaking T-Rex and Raptor loose! C'mon - that's the whole plot line of the first movie!!

And last, but not least - What happened to Barry? You know, Owen's best friend?
Until Next Time,
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