Monday, July 6, 2015

Slut Shaming

Slut


(n.) derogatory

(n.) slut; plural noun: sluts 

          1. A woman who has many sexual partners.

         Synonyms: promiscuous woman, whore, lady of the night.

         2. dated: A woman with low standards of cleanliness.


("Definition of Slut in English:." Slut: Definition of Slut in Oxford Dictionary (American English) (US). N.p., n.d. Web. 08 June 2015.)

Slut is a word almost exclusively used to describe the character of a woman.

This word is used differently by men and women. Women use it to describe someone based on the way she dresses, how much make up she wears, who she hangs out with, her actions, her moral code/compass, and more prominently; how often and with how many people she engages with in sexual activity. It can also be used as a term of "endearment" amongst friends. Men seem to simplify it down to one thing: someone who has "too much" sex.

There's the idea implied that there are "good" girls and "bad" girls. There are no guidelines for what this means though, no absolute set rules for a girl to follow. Girls learn from what they read in magazines, see on the internet in criticism of their favorites singers and actors, watch in movies and TV. Girls learn from their parents, their friends, their teachers, but it's all relative to the person throwing around the word "slut", "whore", "hoe", and "thot". The general idea is that if you don't want to be labeled a slut or be "asking for it," you need to dress a certain way, physically appear a certain way, and have little to no sexual experience. This often translates to the misconception that a socially deemed "bad" girl deserves to be shamed for her choices. Taking this even farther, it can lead to objectification, and even victim blaming if a girl is sexually assaulted. (But that's a whole 'nother story.)

"Good girls" are not supposed to like anything that's not "normal" or "vanilla" in bed or at least, don't talk about it. Just never. "Good girls" don't have sex outside of marriage or at least out of love and a committed relationship. If you're a virgin, but you fantasize about sex or are curious about it and have questions, you're "a slut who just can't lose it". But also, God forbid if you reach a certain age and haven't had sex. Giving way to the ever annoying and terrible cliche double standard: You fuck too much you're a whore, you fuck too little and you're a prude.

What I learned in my youth was just don't ever talk about sex or sexual activity or sexual desires or fantasies. Don't talk about birth control or protection or your period. What I've learned in my adulthood is that "sex" or "sexual intercourse" means something different to everyone. People classify "losing their virginity" as vastly different acts across gender identities, sexual preferences, and cultures. Furthermore, it's no one else's business.

There's only a few things I care about when the topic of sexual encounters come up:
  • Was it consensual?
  • Were you safe with your bits (BC, condoms, but also including your heart)?
  • Did you both enjoy it (cause I'm nosey)?
You know what I don't care about?
  • When's the last time you had sex?
  • How many people have you had sex with?
  • Who were they?
  • Where were you?
  • What stuff are you into?
  • Anything you don't willingly want to tell me.
It's not ANY of my business what happens behind closed doors - or in public! A woman deserves equal respect no matter how much or as little sexual activity she wants to participate in or discuss. When the topic of someone's current sexual activity or sexual past come up, it is not be the duty of the listener to condemn or encourage said behavior. You are merely a bystander unless immediate danger is apparent or suspected.

And if all that's happening behind closed doors is hand holding - I'm happy for you too! I want YOU to do what makes YOU happy. We, as a society, need to stop shaming - "sluts", "prudes", and in between. No one feel shamed or guilty for doing or not doing anything!


Until Next Time,
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Special thanks to my IG Crush all day, e'ery day @peach_e_paige for her inspiration and insight on this piece.

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