Thursday, August 6, 2015

Reflecting on my live in boyfriend/love of my life finally coming home after 14 days of being gone.

Okay, so first off if you don't know before Myke D I was basically single for 24 years. I had boyfriends yes, but never like "I don't ever want to be without you" boyfriends. The boyfriends/dates I had were like placeholders for when my friends were busy or couldn't afford something I wanted to do. Yes, I know I was a real peach. When Myke came along my whole world was shook up. How can someone be your best friend but also your lover and you also want everyone you know to meet him because he's amazing? Well, apparently that's love my friends.

Now, imagine you've found this mermaid unicorn magic called LOVE. You date for over a year and decide that you'd like to see each other every day - so you move in together. Then, after seven and a half months of waking up to that beautiful beard, it's snatched away from you to travel beyond the wall to the great white north. So for two weeks - FOURTEEN days - you are without said beard.

Well, it's a good thing I have other really amazing best friends and like a bomb family. The first weekend I stayed with my parents. I got to hang out my aunts as well and sleep in my old room. The first week was filled with dinners and movies. The second weekend my wifey and neph-dog stayed with me which was glorious. We binge watched Season 3 of Girls which I had been saving for us. I stayed alone too during the week and was a'okay watching whatever I wanted and eating weird stuff. All in all, I don't mind being alone.

However, after being with someone constantly, it was crazy weird being by myself when I was. The first two nights alone I basically didn't sleep at all. When I went to my parents' is when I finally slept. Due to lack of sleep and my general anxiety/depression, I started having crazy thoughts about Myke. Maybe he'd stay up there and not come home. Maybe he'd come home and just hate me after not having to see my stupid face for two weeks. Of course every time we talked it was about how much fun we were both having and how much we missed each other. But at night, laying in bed surrounded by darkness and silence, my crazy came out. I kept hearing noises and imagined getting murdered. Then on top of that concocting insane scenarios of Myke leaving me.

Two days before he came back to me I announced to him "I'm mad at you. Like crazy insanely furious." He laughed which actually was the appropriate response. I told him I knew I was being irrational and nonsensical but I just wanted to scream at him. "I miss you so much and it's making me feel unstable and I could just kill you." I plotted how I was going to be asleep when he finally came home or be out of the house. Luckily, all feelings of anger left my body right after I announced them. I admitted to never having a love like this - oh, yuck I know - and that everything that I was upset about boiled down to missing him. Eww.

So now it's Thursday. Last night he came home. I was not asleep when he got home nor absent from the house. I woke up early that morning and did my hair and makeup, picked up the girl mess I made while he was gone, and readied for our guest as well (Myke's bff Chris ventured back with him). I went to work and waited for five o'clock to come impatiently. I was home for about a half hour or so before I got the snap video of our street. I ran to the door... Well, I took my hair down, checked my face and teeth, pushed up my boobs, and ran to the door. I flung it open to see him getting out of the car!

We celebrated by getting pizza obviously and just never not touching each other - holding hands and such, don't be graphic. All the problems I had made up were just that: made up. The things I'm most grateful for in hindsight are (1) finally having the ability to recognize when my mind is trying to fuck up my life and (2) having someone so special in my life that understands how important it is to talk about feelings even when we both know they're not rational. I've never met anyone so not scared of feels as Myke. You guys I cry all the time and he doesn't even mind.

Until Next Time,
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