Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Guest Post: A Year Ago

Today's blog is brought to us by one of our readers, Rhea. She reached out to me and asked if I would share this poem on my blog. You can find out more about Rhea below, including where to follow her.

February 23, 2015

There aren’t many things that I think about on a daily basis. But you’re one of them.

It was a year ago yesterday.

A year ago, I got the news that you weren’t with us.

A year ago, I didn’t know how to cope with you not being here. Sometimes I still don’t.

A year ago, our family went from tolerating each other to complete hatred.

A year ago, I watched my own mom break down like I’ve never seen before.

A year ago, I was sitting in class, mind blank, because I didn’t have any days away from school to

process your absence.

A year ago, I hugged you for the last time.

A year ago, I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you.

A year ago is when I last saw your daughter.

A year ago, and one day, was the first day that I noticed that I wouldn’t be called Pigglett and given

some spare change the next time I saw you.

A year ago was one of the most difficult days of my life.

A year ago, I missed you then and I missed you now.

People say that they think suicide is selfish. I think it’s the people who think suicide is selfish are the most selfish of all. I believe that someone contemplating suicide is already at the “point of no return.” The point of return is already being gone, mentally and emotionally. The only thing left of a person is their physical shell; the shell that everyone sees with the fake smile but the sad eyes. The point of no return is basically being dead already. You are your own ghost. Not like the traditional ghost you think of, but the ghost walking around with a heartbeat and it looks like you. It’s the ghost that haunted the person and it’s finally taken over and no one sees it until the ghost has devoured you, mentally, physically and emotionally. Once the ghost has devoured you, you can’t escape it. The ghost starts to tell you exactly what it wants you to do and when it wants you to do it. It’s not like schizophrenia where you actually hear voices and do them. The ghost slowly takes over your thoughts and actions. It slowly starts to tear you apart and you don’t notice until it’s too late. It starts to tell you that you’re sad and worthless. It starts telling you that the world is better off without you. It tells you that over and over and then you start to believe it. Then you start to listen to the ghost. The ghost is suddenly you. You’re suddenly the ghost. You’re suddenly a shadow that people see when they miss you. You’re suddenly a memory. 

Hi, I’m Rhea. This is something I wrote when I was in a dark place after a family member is a victim to suicide. I strongly believe that you are not taken by suicide, you’re a victim of it. PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE NUMBER AT 1-800- 273-TALK. Mental illnesses are just as important to take care of as physical illnesses.

~It’s just a bad day; not a bad life~

Instagram- @KeepingItRhea

Until Next Time,
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