Monday, April 24, 2017

hidden messages

Throwback to a poem I wrote 1/26/13:

there were warning signs
but I didn't yield
he said jump
and I flew to him

with his eyes
on my eyes
I'm invincible

truth as dark as sunlight
glaring every day
but our time was full
overflowing with laughter

his voice gave me strength
he said I was all he wanted
but then joyous news brings pain
such a blessing begets such loss

he was the best I've never - cliche
the only I'll always wonder- typical
such a damsel
such a princess
but he gave me wings
such silly things I'm thinking

maybe he'll see this
and he'll know what I meant
I would fall for it, fly to him
every day - any day

praying for the strength to see
when my pleasure eclipses the ache
when the happiness is all I feel

he'll soon be the man he should be
husband, teacher, coach, father
the man he's meant to be

I only feel joy, pride
but I see the red veins
little cracks of lightning
thunderous applause pounding

solace is my bed
in the blankets, the pillows
his voice telling me
"I want you"
over and over

clinging to my sheets like they're him
if we were close enough to touch
mascara stains on my pillow
like his shirt if he would hold me

he was the best I've never - cliche
the one I'll always wonder - typical
fairytale believing, rom com watching
jane austen reading silly little girl

craving to be the exception
always the one that "got away"
got tossed away
got thrown away
got pushed away more like it

a plump grape dying on the vine
our connection, the sweet wine
never to touch our lips
always imagined overflowing
actually bone dry

signs behind me read Dead End
so I turn, make a new choice
try again
hoping someday this road leads us back

all I have is cliches - typical

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