Living While Fat 3

“There is something about actively using my body that makes me feel even more vulnerable.”
- Roxane Gay, Hunger

The more I walk the better it feels in my body. My legs ache to move. Sometimes when I walk, I want to go SO FAST. I want to jog for a while or run at full speed to see what that is and how far my body can go and when I do I stop, laughing breathlessly. But then I think, it’ll maybe a block. Maybe less. And if I notice anyone noticing me or think I do, I’ll feel compelled to keep going. Because they’re thinking that I can’t. So then I don’t go fast. I don’t skip or jump or twirl. My body’s restricted to walking in public. Or when I'm feeling extra sassy, maybe I'll allow myself to lip-synch and some little hand dances.

When I see others in public moving their body, I typically think "oh, good for them" and that's the end of it. Why do I give myself such a larger narrative like strangers even care how I'm spending my time?

Oh yeah, cause there are people in the world that yell "fat ass" out their window as they drive by.


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