bopoem 4

So I start - 

I’m sorry for not eating enough when I’m anxious

I’m sorry for eating too much when I’m scared

I’m sorry for hurting you - on purpose and not

I’m sorry for calling you names, belittling your reach

I continue with my apologies

They do not change her

They float gently like waves rolling against the shore

My fingers caress her skin like the summer breeze

But she is imprinted with the history of my sins

Scars raised like braille to remind me of what I’ve done

My eyes once scorched her gardens, burned her fields

With my heaviness, my hatred

I took tweezers to pick at the weeds, but pulled apart the strings holding her together

Look close enough and everything’s a flaw

I’m sorry, I’m sorry - But the culprit is the victim

and how do I atone for things I did when I was a different person?

So I treat my body like a separate being

Brush her hair, wash her body, clean her teeth

And apologizing is a good start I think.